- Obrigada *-*
Aqui vai o primeiro.
Never in my life I had felt this way. My body was still shaking, my eyes were puffy and red, and I couldn't walk straight.
At that point, in my life, I had never regretted one single thing thing I'd done. And I could easily say that I wasn't a screw up, but I was. Still, that night had been my worst nightmare, and also a night I would never be able to forget. And that was what scared me the most.
When I finally arrived at my place, no one was there. This was nothing new. My mother was a successful surgeon and my father a powerful lawyer. They were never at home, and I usually hated it. But tonight, it was the opposite. I thanked to God that they weren't there to see me like that. However, I didn't know if they would care or even notice.
With my converse on my hand and my Iron Maiden shirt on the other, totally ripped off, I went upstairs, as quickly as my body let me, entering the bathroom with an awful feeling and my heart racing. I just felt disgusting, filthy.
After waling inside the tub, I hugged my legs, trying to stop shaking, and rested my head on my arms, praying that I could forget what happened, and be happy again. Or better, truly happy for once. Adam wasn't the boy I thought he was. He wasn't the decent person I had imagined and, worst of all, he didn't love me like he always said he did. He was just like the other guys I knew, he wanted something I wasn't ready to give away for now. At least, I would never give it like he wanted. But that didn't stop him. He took what we wanted and left me to die right there. He broke me, in a way that only a monster could, and never even looked back.
Finally got up from the tub floor, grabbed the showering gel and passed it all over my body, over and over again, without stopping to cry. That pain and that feeling would never go away.
After finishing, I wrapped myself on a towel and went to my room, just in time. The lock on the door made an annoying sound and the door itself opened. I could ear my father telling my mother how he had won his trial. I could easily tell that she wasn't a bit interested on he did, and neither did he on what she did during the day. Probably, being apart all day, was their favorite part of the whole day.
I closed the door very carefully so that they couldn't ear the noise of it and tried to ignore the noise they both were making, while getting dressed to go to bed. The shivers had disappeared, but the fear was still there. In me. Probably forever.
Getting dressed in front of the mirror was a bad idea, since in front of it I could see the bruises all over my body, the fingerprints on it, and the way they hurt me. I glanced at the clock that marked four am.
With my strength going away, I went to bed, realizing that I would never be able to go to school the next day, or any other day, or even face anyone from my class. It was just too painful for me and also a bit scary. At any moment I could cross over Adam’s way and look at him. I wasn't capable of doing that, and I didn't want to do it either. If I did, I would probably start screaming and run away, trying to find a safe place to be. To me, right now, he was a monster, a bug, something to kill at any cost.
Falling asleep was a hard thing. I woke up a million times during the rest of the night, screaming. And, the sad part is, no one even got up to come and see how I was. I could die, and no one would notice that. I'm all alone in this world, and that only makes me more scared.
Didn't went to school. Couldn't go, didn't feel like seeing people who don't even like me do their fake smiles and judge from me inside. Calling me the freak of that school, pushing me against the lockers, and so on..
I was feeling like crap. But I didn't want to stay at home. Better, I couldn't stay at home thinking about what had happened the night before.
After getting dressed, not in a fancy way, and got out of the house quickly. Didn't left a note, no one would read it anyway.
- Obrigadaa *-*
The streets were quiet. Everyone was just living, smiling, breathing. I felt like I wasn't breathing anymore. While I was walking, I observed other people. The smiles in their faces, the love between young couples, children running and screaming happily. Like I once was, and would never be again.
It was a beautiful day. Or, at least, it would be if I wasn't feeling dead inside. Walking down the street, I realized that I had no one to go to, to talk about what happened. To ask for advice. A shoulder to cry on. I didn't have it, and would never have.
Suddenly, my phone started to vibrate on my pocket. It took me a while to figure out if I should or shouldn't answer it. But, in the end, I did.
“Dear, are you okay?” I heard my mother's voice on the other side, pretending to be very concerned about my life and health.
“Yes mother, I'm just fine” I wasn't, I just lied. She wouldn't believe me anyway.
“Oh, but they called from your school telling me that you didn't come to your morning classes. Why is that?” I could easily ear her co-workers talking to her, yelling at each other, and her voice sounded stressful.
“I had to do some work. And I wasn't feeling very well. Maybe I ate something that was bad.” once again, I was lying.
“Oh, alright then. Don't come late. Love you” I was about to answer to that. But she had already hung up.
Took a breath and kept the phone in my pocket again. I just wanted to blow some steam. Just wanted to do something crazy, I wanted to feel alive.
But what could I do?
I couldn't get the night before out of my mind. Every touch, every word, the whole nightmare was so fresh in my head... I could still feel it. And it just made me feel grouse.
I decided to stop walking for a bit. I sat on a bench that was near a kids park and just sat there, watching the little girls play with their dolls and the boys covering themselves in mud and sand.
While I was there, I realized something for the first time.
My name is Sophia, I’m sixteen years old and I was raped.
Sorry a demora (:
Being away from all of the school drama, and home drama, did very good for my brain. I was tired of pretending to be okay, pretending to be happy and loved by my parents, when I wasn't. I never felt love from them.
Finally I got tired of just sitting there, thinking about what happened and watching all the happiness that surrounds me. So, I got up and started walking again. But, this time, I went to a place where I would never go. Not conscientiously, I mean.
When I got to the bad streets, the sun almost ran away. It was dark, no one could be seen there, and it seemed like I was listening a strange and scary sound, like in the scary movie I'd seen last week. I didn't feel very frightened, but I definitely felt that I belonged there. Because, in that place, everyone was damaged. Physically, mentally, and in every way possible.
I started thinking that maybe I should go back. Maybe it was my destiny to become a successful lawyer or a surgeon, and just forget what happened. Why would I go against everything I had been thought that was wrong?
However, my brain kept telling me I had to go. I had to discover what that life, what that place, could do to me. And I had to see if there was a chance for me to be happy, at least once in my whole life.
Luckily, I wasn't all dolled up and dressed like a school girl. If I was, maybe the whole story would've gone in a different direction. And if that were the case, maybe I could be dead by now. Just for visiting that place once.
While I walked more inside the dark street, I heard footsteps behind me. I tried slowing down, and the sound became lower. I started walking fast, and the sound became more strong than ever. I was being chased once again.
My heart started racing. What should I do? Should I run fast and only stop when I felt safe? Or should I turned around to see who it was?
Of course I chose the most stupid option, and started running. The person behind me followed me, screaming for me to stop. Why on earth should I stop?
I started feeling very tired. I was lost, for sure, because I didn't know where to go to get out of that place. Tears started running through my face and I ended up on a dead end.
“Please, just don't hurt me!” I whispered, closing my eyes and praying to God that could get out of there alive. And never return.
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